Insert Question Here

Image result for question

Questions are not a sign of ignorance, as many believe. Actually, they are smartest conversation tool we have.

Jewish rabbis are master teachers. They teach based on the individual. They rarely give students straight answers. Instead, they give a statement from which the answer can be inferred.

But the greatest teaching tool that a rabbi uses is the question. They believe rightly that a student who hears an answer out of the mouth of the teacher does not own the answer. Many will ask seemingly unconnected questions in order to lead individuals to find answers for themselves.

Ray Vander Laan, a teacher and an indirect mentor of mine, tells a beautiful story illustrating this point:

On a trip to the Holy Land, a woman stepped into a Jewish painter’s shop. Admiring the paintings, she asked the shop owner, “Which one is your favorite?”

The shop owner didn’t answer right away. Then he looked up at the woman and asked, “Are you married?”

Not the kind of answer an American looks for. But the woman replied, “Yes. Why?”

Insert: if she had not finished her answer with “Why?” the shop owner would have said “Ok”, and that would have been the end of the conversation. A big part of Jewish teaching requires a student to want the answer badly enough to keep seeking it out. No rabbi speaks unnecessarily.

“Do you have children?” the painter continued.

“Yes. I have three. Why?” the woman wondered.

“Which of your children is your favorite?” 

Boom. Not once did the Jewish painter have to make a statement. The woman left the shop with a profound understanding of the owner’s attachment to his paintings. He didn’t have to go into long philosophical arguments about how he had poured his soul into each painting, and given each his best. In fact, his questions left a greater impact on the woman by connecting to her heart.

The power of the question is extremely underrated. Everyone has go to’s:   “How are you?” “What’s up?” “How’s the weather?” But no one dares to ask good questions.

That is, except for children. They are full of curiosity, examining the world around them and questioning everyone that comes in sight.

What changes between childhood and adulthood? Many times children are shamed for making inquiries. That shame takes over culture, and by the time a generation of kids is grown up, we have a civilization who thinks it is a sign of weakness to ask a question.

I say that good questions are the strongest communication technique available to us. Why?

Questions engage.

Humans by nature like to talk about themselves. A good question directs attention toward the other person, sparking individual passions and desires. When you engage a person’s brain, he retains more information. Besides, everyone likes speaking with someone who stirs their thoughts.

Questions connect.

By showing interest in another person’s life, you create a connection point to that person. The best conversations happen when both parties are engaged in the discussions. The more people feel you have in common, the more they will gravitate toward you.

Questions Inspire.

Engaging conversations lead to strong connections. Strong connections birth ideas. That’s what relationships are all about: creating value for the world through the combined force of minds and souls.

Take the time to ask good questions. Here are several to get your brain going:

  • What did you learn today?
  • What do you know that I don’t?
  • What do you think about (insert common topic)?
  • Do you have any current projects you’re working on?
  • How do you like to learn?
  • What are you currently studying?
  • Who is your favorite thinker?
  • What is your favorite book?
  • What is the best aspect of today’s culture?
  • What do you wish people knew that they don’t?
  • How do you stay productive?
  • Would you rather (insert icebreaker paradox)?
  • Is important to know history in order to understand culture?

The things can ask anyone are endless. Use these ideas to strengthen the relationships around you. Stop letting the lie of weakness quell your questions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

You Never Know…

Sometimes I have experiences that make me wonder.

My family traveled to Georgia for the solar eclipse in August of 2017. We were all passionate about experiencing this phenomenon for ourselves. Being a homeschooled family and unattached to any system, we did as we pleased and planned a short family trip to the area of totality.

Weird enough things happen to us already. The kids spray painted our trailer with their names and my oldest brother even painted the eclipse in the corner. We were “that” crazy homeschool family that couldn’t care less what people thought. On top of that, when we were checking out places to stay in Georgia, we found every campsite and hotel room had been booked a year in advance. Of all places to spend a vacation, we booked a Super 8.

Regardless, the eclipse was amazing. We found a tiny park by a river and watched in peace. The next day, we visited Tallulah Falls, where we hiked the gorge and climbed hundreds of steps to see the waterfalls.

But the most awesome event of the trip was the last day. We went to Stone Mountain. The huge rock juts 825 feet into the air. Carved into the side are the pictures of three Confederate heroes: President Jefferson Davis, General Robert E. Lee, and General “Stonewall” Jackson. It was quite a hike, and an amazing source of Confederate history and inspiration.

On the way down the mountain after the hike up, I met one of the coolest people I have ever talked to. I saw him coming toward me, and immediately felt like connecting to him.

So I introduced myself, and asked his name.

“Julius Lee,” he answered. “I’ve climbed this mountain 7 times since this morning.”

I thought he was kidding.

“Look me up,” he said. “I hold the world record for climbing this mountain the most times in one day.”

Sure enough. I looked him up, and found that he holds the Fitbit world record. This guy climbs Stone Mountain 6 times every day. This excludes Saturday’s, when he climbs it 10 times.

What dedication. What a beast. I left shaking my head. I should have snapped a picture with him. But I was too thrilled about meeting him to even think through that.

What if I hadn’t followed that urge to talk to him? I’d have one less cool experience to relate. I’d have one less motivating story in my back pocket.

You never know who you’ll run into. Keep your eyes open, and let life come to you. Cool things are right around the corner if you’ll just open your eyes.

Musings: What Matters in Life

The most important aspect of life is love. When you strip existence down to its bare bones, there isn’t much that actually matters.

Dreams come and go. Some fade, some become reality. Decisions cause stress throughout each day. Money changes hands. Success sometimes seems far away.

What truly matters in life? Love. Giving of yourself and receiving from other people. It’s not about the amount of money you make, or the fame you have. Loving and being loved by another person is what makes life worth living.

So focus on the people around you. Give unconditionally of yourself. Don’t wait around for the next big event. Stop struggling so hard toward success. Instead, give all you have to the people around you.

When you die, your fame won’t matter. Someday, it will die. But the amount of love you spread will never fade away. Make a difference. Love.

How A Sandwich Changed My Life

 

I always loved helping my dad in the kitchen. Maybe it was because those moments were always the times he was home.

Saturday mornings were my favorite. He would always make brunch for the whole family.As a young child, my favorite thing was to imitate Daddy and help him. It was his hands that guided mine as I flipped my first pancake. He taught me how to crack eggs into a bowl for him to scramble later. All the while he patiently listened to my never-ending chatter as I set the table for the feast he had made. Together, we experimented and planned. Together, we made every Saturday breakfast a memorable experience.

I remember watching him. One day he began putting together the most diverse concoction I had ever seen. I watched mustard, pickle juice, and cottage cheese go into the bowl of eggs. After adding a couple seasonings and whisking the mixture vigorously, Dad poured everything onto a hot griddle. I watched through the glass lid as the egg mixture rose. I toasted the bagels. Daddy made the bacon and the sausage on large pans in the oven. We put mayonnaise on the bagels together. Then Dad cut the egg mixture into squares.

I watched in awe: this was a new creation and I was involved. Carefully we layered eggs, bacon, and sausage on the bagels. After adding a slice of cheese, the sandwiches were ready. Proudly, I carried them to the table. It was the best breakfast we had ever eaten. Something about the egg concoction mixed with bagels and cheese felt like the best soul food we could wish for.

From then on, we begged every Saturday for “daddy’s sandwiches”. We had brunches and invited people over. Every time we went to the store, we bought bagels. It became our family tradition.

Fast forward a few years. The day was rainy and cold. But not as dark and dreary as my future. My daddy had passed away suddenly a couple nights before. It was Saturday morning again. And I knew there was one thing I had to do.

Slowly I got the bagels out. Crying, I mixed up the eggs. I knew how. I had done it a dozen times before. I put the pans of bacon and sausage in the oven, alone. And alone, I put together sandwiches for each of my siblings.

I sat down, but I couldn’t eat. Not today. These weren’t daddy’s sandwiches. I had made them without him. The breakfast had become a symbol of his protection. Now that he wasn’t here, how could I ever go on?

But then I looked around, and saw my little siblings. They were watching me. I had to go on. There was no option. “For daddy,” I whispered and took a deep breath.

That first bite held all the memories of a life that felt so far away. Right then, I was with my daddy again. His hand folded over mine again, teaching me how to cook. His voice encouraged me, and his eyes smiled down as once more, I ventured into a new path with his help. Right then I realized I could go on. It was then that I knew, whatever happened, I could live again. Through a sandwich, I found that the people you love never leave you.

It’s just up to you to see that.

People Power

 

There’s a common theme I have heard from numerous self-educators recently. It’s an idea that almost every successful dropout, entrepreneur, and freelancer attests to.

This concept is the power of networking. Yes, it’s cliche. Many do not understand it fully simply because the word “networking” has been overused. Continue reading People Power

Final Project Overview

Module 2 of the Praxis boot camp challenges each participant to complete a portfolio project. Projects are learning in action. Participants build new skills and showcase them through the projects they create.

My project was a podcast. Or in better terms, my project is a podcast. This venture will be the focus of the next six months of my life. As of today, I have completed four interviews. They will all be released during the month of April.

But I wanted more than just a podcast. I needed to show something at the end of the month for all my hard work. So I added a sales spin to the heart of my project.

What are the biggest things that many people in sales struggle with? What do many think when the word “sales” pops into their head? Cold calls. Cold emails. Reaching out directly to people about a product or service.

I decided to jump off a limb and run right into those issues that scare every person seeking a sales career. So I created a list of all my phone and email contacts. The ones I could call, I did. Otherwise, I sent them emails.

In the emails I sent, I pitched my podcast. I tried to develop an approach that would reach each individual on a personal level. For some, I spent considerable time detailing the idea behind the podcast. For others, I created a conversation surrounding other events in their lives. I focused on connecting directly to the person behind the email I was sending. Then I asked to add their email address to my mailing list.

I found that it takes a large amount of time to create an email that is personalized. The 50 emails I sent during the month of February took an average of 15 minutes of my time apiece. Out of the 50, I got 20 positive answers. Only 1 who answered declined the offer of being added to my mailing list. (However, he was a perfect candidate to interview, so I benefited from the email either way.) The other 29 simply did not answer.

Maybe those people felt bad telling me that they didn’t want to join one more list. Maybe they thought my email was spam. Regardless, I developed a new desire to be competent and quick with my email communication. I appreciated the one “no” I got more than the emails that never got a reply.

I also made 30 cold calls over the course of the month. 14 of those 30 calls were never answered. I left voicemails and sent texts to the numbers I didn’t get through to. Out of the other 16 calls, I only got a negative answer from 1. I successfully added the other 15 people to my email list.

When averaging the amount of time I spent calling phones and typing emails, the end result was 25-30 minutes of time spent on each email added to my list. Maybe if I was older and busier this project would have taken too much time. For many people, the cost would have been too high per email to be considered worth the time. But for me, it was so, so worth it.

  • I introduced my podcast to 80 people.
  • I became comfortable with cold calls.
  • I learned to streamline an email process while keeping each email personal.
  • I increased my network by spending time connecting with people I haven’t talked to in awhile.
  • I built an email list of 35 people (and counting).

To a teenager who is passionate about teaching people and learning, and whose goal is to build relationships, every minute was worth it.