It was the end of a Mock Trial that I completed in my Sophomore year of high school. Both teams were waiting breathlessly for the judge to give the verdict and closing remarks. As defense attorney, I was extremely nervous, considering that my client, one of my close friends, was charged with murdering her husband. I recognized that it was a close battle, understood that we had made some major mistakes, but held on to the tiny chance I knew we had. Then the moment came. The verdict was spoken. Guilty.
My heart fell. All that hard work before and during the Trial, all those questions we went over, all the statements I had so carefully prepared… (I was still committed to my theory, regardless of what information prosecution had wriggled out of my client.)
The judge spent some time commenting on specific points of the trial that stood out to him. I listened, but I was still put out. I had put all my effort into every moment of this, and hadn’t realized how much the verdict meant to me.
Then the judge stood directly in front of me, pointed at me, looked me in the eye, and commented: “You’re a passionate person, aren’t you?”
I don’t remember what I answered, because the statement hit me at the core of who I was, and resonated with my heart of hearts. That moment was all it took; everything clicked into place. I realized that it wasn’t all about the outcome. I saw that my failure or success wasn’t measured in terms of everything going the way I had planned. The process of throwing myself into something that I believed in was what mattered.
In the months surrounding the mock trial, I had spend hours listening to some of the best defense attorneys speak. I had learned how to debate. I had researched defense strategies to a level no mock trial would ever merit. I had used all the tools and energy I had to play the role I knew was mine. I now had a wealth of experience in my belt that could never have been, had I not thrown 110% of myself into every step of the journey.
Still today, that moment has had an impact on the way I think. I don’t see failure in terms of a specific outcome anymore. No matter what I do or how earnestly I pursue something, I still won’t always get the perfect result. That doesn’t mean what I do is a failure.
So I live to the hilt every moment. I pursue, I fight, I press on with every breath in me. Sure, I make mistakes. But it’s the process that counts. The insight I gain from every experience in life gives me the courage to keep pushing forward.
Yes, I am a passionate person.
Good word.